How perfectly apt.
And how lovely I
just read this work.
Four years ago, I
ended a relationship with a man I'd dated off and on – mostly on
– for years.
He didn't love me,
really, and he cheated and strayed, but I stayed about knowing he was
my best friend, my family, and for the past decade, he has been there
for me, even when we were both at our worst.
I never hoped for a
reconciliation, I still don't, I never will.
I love him, but not in the way
it is vital to love someone to make it work.
Several years ago, I
moved on, began dating, shared the quibbles of dating life with him
(as you would a best friend), defended him to my then boyfriends,
explaining if you love me, then you'll try to understand why I keep
this schmuck around. He's family.
They eventually
understood. And that we (subsequent relationships) didn't work out
had no bearing on him – why we didn't work out – more that I had
(and continue to have) bad judgment when it comes to men.
Could it be any more
insulting for someone to suggest that something that just happened to
you has no bearing on your life? That has been the suggestion of my
best friend for years. 'This is private.' An essential demand to not
air our dirty laundry.
Screw dirty laundry
(though what an ironic phrase, as laundry is usually that which has
just been cleansed)..
So. Let the
cleansing begin.
Not the list of
dirty laundry.
That is too long,
detailed, and petty for anyone in their right mind to want made
public on the internet.
Just this bit. He just chucked me
out of his life. Via email.
I'm not sure how to
respond.. I'm reeling..
I thought that
falling for that dimwit in the south and being rejected was a low point.
I thought letting it
go and feeling goofy over another – was trending toward an up point...
It all went down. Down,
down, down tonight.
Along the lines of
this.
Don't respond to
this email. I've removed you from my social media contacts. I want
nothing further from you. But try me through video chat when she's
not here to notice, I might still be able to be your clandestine
friend. But I love her, you see, so you're out.
How anemic any reply
must be from here.
Thousands of miles away.
Worst day of service
in the Peace Corps. Wholly unrelated to
service.
It really is vital
to have loved ones behind you.
You tend to stumble
when they let you down in an epic fashion.