off the map.

Something I’d left off from a list made so recently.

A long distance relationship.

Considering the languages of love… touch, words, gifts, service, time.

My tendencies run toward the former and latter.

Introducing a distance of any kind unravels my ideas and presumptions of what a relationship comprises.

I’ve had poor judgment in the past.

Really, I just shoot myself in the foot.

My temperament is the flaw. I don’t stay angry long enough.

The tempest passes. I tend to move on, without requiring an apology or definite resolution.

Which has been imprudent on my part.

If people aren’t allowed (and on occasion forced) to confront themselves, and their actions, and their words, they never learn how to communicate. To adapt within a friendship. The same issues will continue to arise.

I also forget that while I’m candid, others tend to be more reticent, or duplicitous.  

It doesn’t occur to me someone might lie, until I’m standing there, watching their face shutter as a manufactured version of an experience is produced.

We humans are aware when we've been lied to.

The trouble is acknowledging it in real time.

There is an alarm, an electrical short, a clicking noise, something that makes our brains slam on the brakes—making that terrible screech you hear right before the car crashes; so often we let that millisecond pass by only to feel the delayed whiplash later on.

That little bit of doubt is towed away. Off to where it stacks up almost out of sight…

Riiight on the periphery.. A fuzziness out of the corner of the eye.

You didn’t see it coming? Scout’s honour? Pardon this healthy dose of skepticism, then.

Friendship is a journey best embarked upon without a map.  

Yes, of course, you should know how to read a compass, discern which cardinal direction moss grows toward in your neck of the globe, by all means, know how to find the Southern Cross. Employ all relevant survival skills; a babe in the woods is of little use to anyone.

The trouble arises when one person produces the map early on. Oh, you've mapped out each petrol station, every toilet and coffee break for the entire trip? That was so… ... Thoughtful?

And they sit there looking at you as if they’re not a complete ass. Expecting the other to agree heartily with the terms, conditions, and limitations of their attachment. 

Such maps are symptoms of the following: a) emotional unavailability, b) control issues, and, c) residence in an entirely different sphere of reality.

Efforts such as these made to manage the evolution of relationships are baffling.

Relationships are nebulous entities. Thoroughly disobedient mechanisms; they exist of persons who share linked realities, but wholly different perspectives.

Some considerations as I ponder this new journey..

I'm in uncharted territory, folks.

Now Playing:

11 songs | 43 minutes, 49 seconds

láventure fantastique | Fantastic Plastic Machine |Bran Van 300 / Towa Tei

Red Alert | Basement Jaxx | The Singles

Hush Boy | Basement Jaxx | Crazy Itch Radio

Oh La La | Goldfrapp | Supernature

Jus 1 Kiss | Basement Jaxx | The Singles

Archangel | Burial | Untrue

Romeo | Basement Jaxx | The Singles

2 Times / F&A Factor Electro Mix | Anne Lee | 2 Times

Lights (Bassnectar Remix) | Ellie Goulding

Little Better | Gnarls Barkley | The Odd Couple

Heavenly Sweetness (Remix) | Better Daze | Thievery Corporation


The above image 'You Are Here' has been borrowed, and altered, from the original on www.jimkudrick.com. Sadly, neon signs are few and far between this side of Namibia.

dig deep..

So the week before I met up with the Nomad for my Zambia trip, I participated in a leadership camp for kids. Camp GLOW (Girls and Guys Leading our World.)

Some of you lovely people who’d heard about it beforehand, were kind enough to give donations. Thank you all for your generosity!

I was tech person #2. This meant my job was to run about taking a thousand or so photos and make a slideshow video to show at the start of each day. I also facilitated on the side, and helped decorate all of the things.

Day of set-up, I was looking to avoid heavy lifting.

I’m strong, mind you, but they were hefting 4 meter solid wood dining tables up a winding flight of stairs. I’m not coordinated enough for that stuff. Either I or the table or both would be broken. I helped with the navigation and maneuvering of the first and quickly looked around for a project that would give the illusion of my being occupied.

Luckily for me, K— is sprawled on the floor making signs… ‘Whatcha doin?’ I ask. ‘We need dinosaurs,’ she says, as she thrusts butcher paper and markers toward me. ‘You can draw dinosaurs, right?’ (Our theme for camp was dinosaurs, and the 'Race Against Extinction'... Our motto? "Dig deep. Discover yourself.")

I eye the door where they’re grunting and shoving in a second table. ‘Yeah, sure. Dinosaurs. Which ones you need?’

For the next two hours K— ordered me about telling me what to sketch and we colored in dinosaurs. It was like second grade art class bliss. We took over other people’s projects too. It was a little rude. But we fancied ourselves art directors.

And then the children started to arrive.

Combi after combi.

It was a bit of madness. The whole week.

Each day was fully booked.

It was amazing and exhausting.

I got to work with some of the brightest kids from all over the country…

And I took thousands of photos.

Here are some of my favorite shots of Camp GLOW 2014:

manacled hipster...

Excuse me, is that a hand-rolled cigarette you’re holding?

America is chock-full of hipsters, yeah? Portland, Brooklyn, New Orleans, Chicago, St. Louis, San Francisco. Oh, friend… Wait till you see Africa. You've only got the remnants..

I think we probably more resemble what people would call hippies than anything else. Except that many of us are young professionals. In Jesus sandals, retro Ray-Bans, and beaten up Panama hats.. [I include myself in their ranks – therefore nullifying my ability to be a hipster – because they hate it when you call them that – of course, that qualifies me yet again for the title… but moving on..]

I've met teachers, researchers, conservationists, hotel managers, travel guides, and writers. Doctors, nurses, NP project managers, graphic designers, and chefs.

Some of them volunteer. Some of them work for NGOs and non-profits. Supervise school administration. Manage hotels in secluded, blissful places. Some are just taking a break from their career. They come from all corners of the globe.

[A legacy of imperialism.

The desire and ability to see the wonders of the planet. So far, often, from the ‘civilized’ places back home where we've stuck up casinos, hotels, mini malls, and parking garages adjacent to all the sites to see there.. ]**

We constantly try to seek out the fundamental experiences of living abroad.

The ones you get when you allow yourself to be cut off from home.

We hitch-hike, barter, beg, and borrow to make it from one place to another.

We travel insane distances overland to get to these places of wonder..

As a Peace Corps volunteer working 50 hours a week, I have had only a nibble of what Africa has to offer.. PC Volunteers are constantly under the umbrella of bureaucracy that is the US Government. If we leave our village for anything longer than a weekend, paperwork must be produced, signed and approved. Then again.. Every three and a half months, I can abscond from my village for a week or two or so during holiday.

The desire to keep tabs on volunteers is a good one. A necessary thing. 

But, damn if it doesn't feel like I’m in high school trying to make sure I don’t miss my curfew. Being in the Peace Corps you lose a chunk of your autonomy.  

The experience is worth it in the long run, but ooo-eee it’s a challenge walk that line.

I've got one year to go. One.

I’m excited to let a little loose.

Being this well behaved isn't good for my psyche.

Animal just wants to be free, man.. | Jungle Junction, Bovu Island, Zambia

 **The above is not to suggest Africans, or Namibians, do not travel, or that they do not qualify as hipsters. Quite the contrary. Also, I’m pretty sure Africa engendered the first generation of hipsters. We’re all facsimiles of the original.

this is never going to work.

So I met this Nomad in Kavango.
He is in the process of bartering his way around the world.
A year and a half into the process, in fact.
The man gets around... because people take him there... for free.

I admit. I was skeptical. In my head, I had a contingency for when things fell apart.
I figured, especially with me on along for the ride (as dead weight, essentially) that this would never work.

Check out my guest blog on The Nomadic Diaries to read about my trip with the Nomad which took us from Katima Mulilo, Namibia to Livingstone, Zambia to Mosi Oa Tunya Falls to Bovu Island, Zambia.

the view from the bar... | Bovu Island, Jungle Junction, Zambia

Spoiler alert... Somebody gets a black eye in this tale... .... .... It's me.

Remember 'more on this later...'? It's later.