Thursday 10 July 2014

how to save your own life.

How perfectly apt.
And how lovely I just read this work.

Four years ago, I ended a relationship with a man I'd dated off and on – mostly on – for years.
He didn't love me, really, and he cheated and strayed, but I stayed about knowing he was my best friend, my family, and for the past decade, he has been there for me, even when we were both at our worst.

I never hoped for a reconciliation, I still don't, I never will.
I love him, but not in the way it is vital to love someone to make it work.

Several years ago, I moved on, began dating, shared the quibbles of dating life with him (as you would a best friend), defended him to my then boyfriends, explaining if you love me, then you'll try to understand why I keep this schmuck around. He's family.

They eventually understood. And that we (subsequent relationships) didn't work out had no bearing on him – why we didn't work out – more that I had (and continue to have) bad judgment when it comes to men.

Could it be any more insulting for someone to suggest that something that just happened to you has no bearing on your life? That has been the suggestion of my best friend for years. 'This is private.' An essential demand to not air our dirty laundry.

Screw dirty laundry (though what an ironic phrase, as laundry is usually that which has just been cleansed)..

So. Let the cleansing begin.
Not the list of dirty laundry.
That is too long, detailed, and petty for anyone in their right mind to want made public on the internet.

Just this bit. He just chucked me out of his life. Via email.

I'm not sure how to respond.. I'm reeling..
I thought that falling for that dimwit in the south and being rejected was a low point.
I thought letting it go and feeling goofy over another – was trending toward an up point...

It all went down. Down, down, down tonight.
Along the lines of this.

Don't respond to this email. I've removed you from my social media contacts. I want nothing further from you. But try me through video chat when she's not here to notice, I might still be able to be your clandestine friend. But I love her, you see, so you're out.

How anemic any reply must be from here.
Thousands of miles away.

Worst day of service in the Peace Corps. Wholly unrelated to service.

It really is vital to have loved ones behind you.
You tend to stumble when they let you down in an epic fashion.